If Divorced and Get Married Again
I was married one time. When I mention this, people often inquire how long it lasted, and xi years seems to satisfy them that, yes, I did give information technology the good higher effort and do understand what this spousal relationship business is all about. I was divorced at the age of thirty, and at present that I'g in my 40s, I take become increasingly certain I'll never ally again.
Information technology'due south non because I haven't had the option. I've had two (or three, depending on how you count) long-term relationships since then. But in each case, I came to realize that marriage just didn't seem to make sense for many reasons.
1. I don't want children (or more children)
I have an amazing, cute girl who is an adult, and I take no desire to have more. Tying the knot for the purpose of having children is a non-issue for me.
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2. The establishment of marriage seems outdated to me
Once upon a time, it brought people together in cohesive units that spurred economical progress and ensured stability for children. But how does it make sense when 2 adults are independent earners, in that location is little-to-no stigma in living together sans a legal document and no children are at play?
3. I don't want to care nearly your decisions
I don't want to accept to care deeply about someone else's decisions when I put so much effort into my own, and I don't want to have to modify the style I shop for food or the mode I've fix upwards my TV to arrange someone else'south preferences. I have a beautiful rhythm to life that I've come to appreciate equally all my own, even if life is chaotic now and so. This isn't to say that two people can't figure out good systems; they can. It just takes a lot of coordination and time, and I have likewise lilliputian energy for that as information technology is.
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iv. I highly value my independence
The financial reality of splitting expenses and combining money holds fiddling appeal for me. I beloved my work, and I do a ton of work beyond my formal job writing, speaking and building my skills. If my partner doesn't work every bit hard, I don't want to resent him. And of course, in the worst-case scenario, if nosotros carve up up, I would have a huge financial hit (unless I jump through endless legal hoops to prevent this). Even on a day-to-day footing, I want to spend my money on the things I value, and I don't desire to care about my partner's spending habits.
v. I'thousand a realist
People modify. The notion of permanence is romantic—that you feel so deeply and passionately about a person that you lot think marrying is the best style of expressing this. However, my life experience has confirmed a different narrative that is probably much closer to the truth: I have fallen in love with the perfect person for me in the perfect moment several times over. The two of u.s. offered something important and unique that we both needed and establish in one another, just we change, we evolve and we learn more about who we are. It's almost silly to think that nosotros can exist everything to each other forever.
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half dozen. I'm happy (happiest?) when I'm single
I love companionship, only I've also come to realize how happy I am when I'grand single. Many people marry because they're scared of the prospect of being alone. But I've accumulated evidence of my levels of happiness with and without a partner. Turns out, I'm pretty darn happy with both, only when a relationship starts to deteriorate, I go very unhappy. When I'thou single, I might occasionally yearn for companionship, simply my happiness levels are off the charts.
Social narratives tell the states that spousal relationship is only the affair you do when you get responsible and want to "settle down." Nosotros're instilled with the fear of being alone and dying lone, but matrimony is certainly not a guarantee against this. For those of united states who are fiercely contained and accept our ain established lives, there's no reason that marriage should exist considered the simply or all-time pick. For some people information technology may be, only for the rest of us, we'll have our alone time and live happily ever after.
Julie Clow, writer of The Piece of work Revolution: Freedom and Excellence for All, is an abet for unconventional thinking nigh piece of work and life.
Source: https://time.com/4202588/marriage-checklist/
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